Braves Announcer Joe Simpson Unleashed An All-Time Old School Baseball Hardo Rant Because The Dodgers Had The GALL To Wear T-Shirts During Batting Practice

Now THAT is how you protect The Shield The Silhouette Looking At The Shoulder-High Fast Ball Flying Right Past Him! Clearly Chase Utley and the Dodgers weren’t thinking about the children with those knickers above the knees and lack of socks/professionalism. Have you ever heard about leaving something for the imagination, Chase? Finally years of playing the game the wrong way and being known universally as unprofessional caught up to Mr. Utley. I don’t want to say this should end Chase Utley’s chances of going to the Hall of Fame before they even start, but they definitely should. #UtleyUButtley indeed.

Thank God Joe Simpson was there to enforce the most important rule written in the MLB rulebook. Oh wait, there is no rule about wearing a BP uniform? That means it’s an unwritten rule, which means it’s even more important! I closed my eyes during that video and could actually envision Simpson wearing one of those old derby hats with a card that said PRESS on it while munching on a cigar. Walter O’Malley and Branch Rickey were doing somersaults in their graves until Journalist Joe stepped in and stopped the madness. The fact Utley was wearing a shirt that said *zooms in*

K Cancer on it is sickening. The nerve! Any true seamhead knows you should groove cancer a belt-high fastball like it’s Derek Jeter at the plate during his last All-Star Game. Utley & Co. were pretty much taking BP naked and playing pepper with their dicks. Take that anti-cancer shirt off this instant and put on a damn uniform so the kids in the ballpark know who you are! Yeah, there are actually kids there despite MLB’s round-the-clock efforts to make baseball the least accessible sport for this current generation. How is a baseball fan supposed to know that the ginger with the giant beard was Justin Turner without seeing a Dodgers jersey with a 10 and a Turner on it? Disgusting. Rob Manfred should sentence the Dodgers organization to the death penalty tomorrow, or even worse give the Dodgers to Fred Wilpon since he clearly cares about them than the Mets. And Dave Roberts should be fired immediately for this type of thinking.

Now I won’t go on a rant without allowing the Dodgers to defend themselves like Joe Simpson did. Here to represent the Dodgers in this blog is Allen Iverson:

Hmmmmmmm. The Answer makes some good, salient points. Mostly that it was just fucking PRACTICE plus every relevant league in the country has guys wearing t-shirts at some point before the game. Then again, if baseball starts embracing the 21st century, which sport will be able to cater to the old grizzled sports writers and fans that go to Cooperstown every summer to induct a bunch of players into a Hall of Fame that doesn’t even have literally the greatest player any of them have ever seen? Keep doing you, baseball.

P.S. I adhered to the unwritten rules of blogging and texted Carrabis to make sure I could blog this video