The Mets Trade My Beloved Assman To The Goddamn Phillies For Double-A Pitcher Franklyn Kilome

Out of all of the fucked up things the Mets have done to me as a fan this season, this may be the worst. The Assman was my guy. I gave him that ridiculous nickname when he came to Queens. He was our best bat for a good portion of the season. He may go down as Sandy Alderson’s best signing. And I actually kinda loved how he wanted out of this clown shoe of a franchise last season likely because of all the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes (I can’t even imagine what it’s like) before signing back with us this year. I was at peace with the Mets trading him once this season went into freefall mode. What I wasn’t ready for was Asdrubal being sent to Philadelphia. The only places worse than Philly in my mind is the Bronx or Atlanta. So this hurts a lot.

On the bright side, at least it seems like the Mets are getting back something for a talented veteran outside of petty cash that the Wilpons can use for their Labor Day party.

And I can’t lie, this made me smile.

I realize this isn’t The Assman’s fault. This trade is the product of a fire sale fueled by bad team building and even worse ownership. I wish The Assman the best and will root for him as long as he isn’t playing for a team that resides in Philadelphia, Atlanta, Washington DC, or the Bronx (Miami isn’t a real MLB team because of their ownership just like the Mets).

Thanks for the memories against those catchphrase stealing sons of bitches, Assman!

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And thanks for being the inspiration for my favorite Barstool shirt that I never made.