I Have Finally Won In Fortnite, And Now Know What It's Like To Be A God

Before Last Night:

Last Night:

LONG CON SMITTY CLOCKING IN FOR WORK! Ha, couldn’t be further from the truth. After over 955 efforts in futility (actually more, as it was public knowledge I played on the Barstool Office account, as well as friends’ accounts, and was defeated more times than should be humanly possible). All hope seemed lost, especially around 947 when THIS for some reason happened to a person with seemingly all of his chromosomes and limbs working:

Not gonna lie, that was rough. Real ruff. The squeal made it even more symbolicly sad. But then, then I remembered it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it, and keep moving forward. And move forward we did. With the whiskey and Chalice Of Life in hand (read about the Holy Grail one time people), we survived. And eventually prospered(?).

What an incredible, indescribable moment of euphoria. The only thing that made it better was the responses from the people. The engagement was off the charts, and for that, I thank you. What’s next, you ask? The jester has entered into royalty, and it’s time for kings to stay kings. Don’t @ me, Ninja.