Another Woman Got Impaled By A Beach Umbrella And Now Is The Time To Ban Them For Good
Source – A 46-year-old woman is expected to survive after she was impaled in the chest by a flying beach umbrella during a trip to Ocean City, Maryland, on Sunday.
A gust of wind picked up the “unattended” umbrella and swept it down the beach, Ocean City spokeswoman Jessica Waters tells PEOPLE. The woman was struck in the chest, with the wooden tip of the umbrella stuck just below her left collarbone.
Police and fire department officials rushed to the scene and had to cut the umbrella in half so the woman could be transported first by ambulance then airlifted to Peninsula Regional Medical Center, according to Waters and ABC News.
Are you kidding me? This is a full blown epidemic we’ve got on our hands now. The other week it was a London woman who got impaled by a beach umbrella in Seaside Heights. After that incident, I called on beach towns to start requiring a test for all people who wish to put up an umbrella on their beaches. For far too long, these jabronis have gone unchecked. Every single weekend when you’re on the beach, a gust of wind will come along and you’ll see an umbrella go flying 20 feet into the air because some jackass thought if they just put the thing a couple inches into the sand that it can sustain hurricane like conditions. Now as we all know, what goes up must come down. So when those beach umbrellas go flying 20 feet into the air after getting caught up in a gust of wind, they become large projectiles just begging to take somebody out. We’ve been fortunate enough for years to not hear of too many stories of people getting hit. But now we have 2 incidents in one week? We simply cannot just wait around for a 3rd incident to happen before we take action here, folks. Because that 3rd incident could be fatal.
I’ll say the same exact thing I said last week. You have to dig that son of a bitch deep into the earth and anchor that shit down. If you think it’s easy bringing an umbrella to the beach and setting it up, it’s because you’re doing it wrong. It needs to be strenuous labor or else you’re going to end up with your umbrella piercing through some lady’s flesh and bones. Somehow people haven’t grasped that concept yet, however, and I think it’s clear that we need to ban beach umbrellas for at least the foreseeable future. Does it suck that a few idiots had to ruin it for everybody else? Obviously. But there’s an old saying in Tennessee. I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee. It says, “fool me once, shame on… shame on you. Fool me… you can’t get fooled again”.
2 strikes and you’re out, buddy. We need to put a ban on all beach umbrellas before somebody dies this summer. That’s all I’m saying. I’d just like to think that we can one day live in a world where you can go lay out and rip a sweet tan on the beach, and not have to fear for your life in the process. Sue me for trying to keep our beaches safe here in America.
P.S. – The biggest mistake here was being in Ocean City, Maryland but not at Seacrets. Very few places in the world live up to the excessive amount of hype they receive. Seacrets is one of them.