Enjoy Some Pure Patriots Porn as Tom Brady is No. 1 on the 'NFL's Top 100' List Again

System quarterback. Only good because he’s got a great coach. He whines for calls. They make rules just to protect him. He’s an arrogant pretty boy. And lets not forget how he can only throw when the footballs are under inflated. He destroyed his phone and made Mark Brunell cry. He’s into all sorts of weirdo holistic medicines and sells $200 ceramic-lined pajamas. And now he’s a petulant, insecure diva who went over his bosses head to get the owner to trade his backup because he felt threatened.

And you know what else Tom Brady is? The best in the game. Even at the age of 40. That’s according to the people on the receiving end of his weekly asskickings. If it were anyone else I’d have said “according to his peers.” But he has none. Just ask my new favorite non-Patriots player:

Goddamned right, Von Miller. Shame on you indeed if you can’t appreciate the consistent, age-defying greatness we are bearing witness to. Just peruse that video and if you don’t find yourself standing, mouth agape in wide-eyed awe at the brilliance of his comeback against Pittsburgh or the last minute laser-guided missile he hit Brandin Cooks with in the corner to beat Houston, then have yourself declared legally dead.

Obviously it’s not exactly breaking news to say that Tom Brady is still really good at playing tackle football. So let me instead tie this into the events of the last nine months or so. Let’s revisit the aforementioned fiction that’s still being talked about as fact. The one that says Bill Belichick only traded Jimmy Garoppolo because he was “forced” to by Mr. Kraft to placate Brady. And anyone who believes it needs to explain to me how he or any coach would have moved on from Brady right now. The MVP of the league. Voted the best in the game by the other players. Setting the Super Bowl record for passing yards, shattering the previous mark set by … himself the year before.

Give me just one example of a team in any sport releasing the best player in the game when he was completely healthy and with years left on his contract. Just because of his age, in order to go with a younger backup. A backup, by the way, who at the time of the trade had played in fewer meaningful quarters in his career (six) as the starter had been to Super Bowls. If Belichick had made the switch from Brady to Jimmy G after the two seasons The GOAT has just put up, we would have anarchy. Rioting in the streets. The breakdown of societal order.

So have your revisionist history. Believe what you want to believe. Ignore the truth. Which is that the best chance the Patriots have to win more rings in the next four years or so is by having the No. 1 player in the NFL. And once again, they have him. When Jimmy G wins this twice in a row, then we can talk.

P.S. Brady agrees: