Gronk's Agent Refuses to Say When He'll Make a Decision About Retirement
A month ago, this wouldn’t have phased me. Not in the least. Rob Gronkowski Tweeting out the lyrics to a Juicy J song about strippers? I’d say that is business as usual. Situation normal. All is right with the world. Gronk being Gronk.
But this isn’t a month ago. This is the dystopian post-Super Bowl LII reality in which we find ourselves. When every word from him has to be analyzed, picked apart and deciphered for clues as to his future plans. I thought it ended the other day when Ian Rappoport went on TV and said he was coming back to football. Followed in short order by this:
So now, an otherwise benign Tweet about a man’s appreciation for throwing money at sad naked women might mean more. Maybe it’s Gronk’s way of saying he he’s sad and wants the Patriots to throw him more money. Is he hinting that I need to dive into the rest of the song to learn his true thoughts?
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
All these chicks popping pussy, I’m just popping bandz
Bandz a make her dance, bandz a make her dance
These chicks clappin’, and they ain’t using hands
Is Gronk saying Mr. Kraft needs to pop bandz to get him to dance? Or just that he likes chick popping pussy? It used to be so easy and now it’s so complicated. And this little item on Pro Football Talk didn’t help clarify things at all:
Appearing on Friday’s PFT Live, agent Drew Rosenhaus said there’s no timetable for a decision from Gronkowski as to whether he’ll play this year.
Rosenhaus declined to comment on whether the Patriots have asked for a decision by a certain date. …
The Patriots may not know what Gronkowski will do before free agency starts. They may not know before the draft starts. They may be wise to assume that they’ll be moving forward without him sooner than later, and to plan accordingly.
Great. So while Gronk is sending out cryptic coded messages, his agent is playing cute with the timetable. Because he can. Because his client didn’t have fun last year. He doesn’t like the way he’s been treated. And a team that has big decisions to make about the tight end position with Dwayne Allen set to make $5 million and Martellus Bennett $6 million, will probably go into free agency having to bet on the blind because Rosenhaus won’t reveal his cards. And if we’ve learned anything about Belichick, he’ll never go into anything blind. Meaning this is probably the Gronkowski camps way of forcing a trade to somewhere he’ll have more latitude, more money and a coach who’s easier on him.
Or, maybe this is all just about being in a titty bar. I know what I’m rooting for. But Gronk is not making it easy, that’s for damn sure.