Leggings Are Pants Now, Get Over It

NYTIMES: United Airlines barred two teenage girls from boarding a flight on Sunday morning and required a child to change into a dress after a gate agent decided the leggings they were wearing were inappropriate. 

The girls, who were about to board a flight to Minneapolis, were turned away at the gate at Denver International Airport, the company said on Sunday.

Can we just stop this already? Leggings are pants now, get over it. Gone are the days of yesteryear when only sluts like me wore the skintight elastic camel-toe causing fabric and tried to pass it off as appropriate attire; legit clothing brands sell them for hundreds of dollars now, THEY ARE OFFICIALLY PANTS AND THEY ARE HERE TO STAY.

I realize that as someone who has flown numerous times on United Airlines directly after shooting a video (perhaps with some *ahem* remnants from my last scene still on me), I’m hardly the best frontman for this campaign. And I get that this family was flying on a Buddy Pass, and they were meant to stick to a certain dress code – but again, what is the issue with leggings? Consider these points:

1. Leggings aren’t obscene! The argument that they are is probably the biggest & most ridiculous one – what, because they show the occasional pussy outline and can make even the flattest ass look bubbly, they’re profane? Get out of here, virgins, leggings cover more skin than the flight attendant’s uniform.

2. Leggings can be, but are not exclusive to, casual wear! Like I said, they’re being sold for hundreds of dollars now. Don’t believe me? Google “David Lerner.” (Sorry @Barstool I know no free ads, but none of the haute couture fashion houses that sponsor us sell leggings and I really just need to make my point. Also, I’m pretty sure I almost had sex with him once.) Or, look at these – they’re FENDI. Yes.

3. Leggings are right in the middle of the Venn Diagram of comfort and cuteness! Sweatpants can look too casual. Jeans and slacks look nice, but come on, those are NOT comfortable enough to sit on a plane for hours on end – you can’t even bend your legs in them to shove your feet on the armrests of the people in front of you! And a dress? Sure, a dress can be nice and loose and breathable, but a long maxi dress would be deemed too casual, and a mid-length/short one subjects you to direct skin-to-airplane-seat contact, which I don’t need to mention is absolutely disgusting.

4. Hate to play the feminist card, but what is the REAL issue here? The person who wore the leggings in this case was TEN YEARS OLD. Is society really going to police this young woman’s clothing, and teach her that wearing leggings makes men uncomfortable, and therefore SHE should be the one to accommodate THEM so that THEY can control their creepy pedo thoughts? Wear whatever you want little girl, you are not defined by your clothing! You are a human being with a mind, and thoughts, and ideas! Fuck the patriarchy!!!