Eagles Somehow Trade Noted Lesbian OL Dennis Kelly For WR Dorial Green-Beckham

Um…how? Hey, I love the move. In fact, it kind of makes it tingle. A lot. Of course having a young, second-round pick WR with breakout potential is sexier than a 2nd-string mantee filling in from time to time. Dorial(?) Green-Beckham is a 6’6 athletic freak who loves his doobies (better flush out all that weed/amino acids before taking your physical, kid). The upside is outrageous. Shit, he was a second round pick just LAST year. But still, with “Lame” Johnson being out 10 games and Jason Peters’ body already shutting down, the O-Line is very, very thin. I’m not saying Kelly is a superstar by any means, but he is serviceable. I guess that’s what happens when you have holes at numerous positions on this team (SWEET Ruben Randle signing – The dude has only played one-preseason game and you can already taste the useless). The Eagles have zero half-decent ball grabbers outside of Jordan Matthews, a few TE’s, and whenever Jeff Garcia comes back for an alumni event. If you can get a deal like this done for Dennis freaking Kelly then more power to the organization. Good work, Eagles. See that? A compliment towards Howie Roseman. Now excuse me while I go take a shower.

In the meantime, here’s some of what Dorial can bring to the table: