LeBron's Sixers Debut Was About As Orgasmic As You Could Think Of

Ishika Samant. Getty Images.

A dream came true for me last night. I got to watch LeBron James play basketball in a Sixers uniform. And even though it was only a preseason game, I still had to change my pants about once every commercial break. 

The Sixers lost to the Nets 114-108, but the 18 minutes they got from The King were absolutely glorious. LeBron finished with 10 points and 5 assists, all of which came in the first quarter of action. He was dropping dimes from the minute he stepped onto the court. It was a sight to behold. Truly. 

And for all the people who like to wrongfully point out that LeBron is washed, you do realize that his regression has turned him into a similar version of Magic Johnson, right? All these morons online wanna say that his game sucks now, when in reality, his game is pretty much the exact same style as one of the best point guards to ever play the sport. 

LeBron's still a better overall scorer, even at 41 years old. But he'll probably get you around 20 points a night, which is right where Magic was consistently. And he's gonna take more of a backseat to run the offense and dish it out to his teammates. At this stage of his career, he's a highly-effective, dynamic floor general, just like Magic was. 

Yeah, sign me the fuck up for that. 

I also don't think people realize that he's only 76 assists away from passing Jason Kidd for third place on the all-time leaderboard (ironic how the magic number is 76, too). He's 537 assists a way from passing Chris Paul for second place, which -- let's face it -- is extremely doable. So there's a good chance that LeBron finishes his career as the league's runaway all-time leading scorer AND the league's runner up in all-time assists. That's fucking absurd. 

And he'll certainly have the weapons to help get him there. Tyrese Maxey is a superstar in this league now. He's hit his prime and he's absolutely filthy offensively. Jaylen Brown is an ELITE shotmaker and scorer. VJ Edgecombe is a dawg. And then Joel Embiid is Joel Embiid. When he's on, he's 100% impossible to stop. 

Safe to say Embiid was NOT on in this first game back, though. Hand up. Even as a rabid Embiid defender, there was nothing I could defend about his performance last night. He was dogshit. 

He had more turnovers than points, and the tape was not pretty in the slightest. But this is consistent with Embiid's career as of late. He's got a lot of rust to shake off at the beginning of the year, but at least this time, he's getting the rust off in the preseason when it doesn't matter. He'll be fine. Haters be damned. 

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Besides, he and LeBron already have a handshake with each other. Ya gotta love that. 

I was just in total shock the entire time that LeBron was a Sixer. I'm sure I'll be saying this forever, but it still doesn't feel real that he signed with us. The chalk toss last night was the closest thing to porn that I could think of. 

It's gonna be one hell of a ride for this next 8 months. I've never understood how baseball fans -- including some people at this company -- can watch all 162 games of their favorite team. That's a level of dedication that I could never reach. But I seriously might become an 82-game guy for the Sixers this year. If they had me this hooked for a fucking preseason game, then my league pass subscription is gonna be getting a LOT of miles on it this year. 

I can't wait for October 20th. Clap your hands, everybody.