The Saddest NFL Stats Of Week 9: Come Sit In Your Sad Seats, Dolphins And Bengals Fans
John Fisher. Getty Images.Week 9 sad stats. Fall back Sunday means one more hour to wait for the pain you know is coming. Unless you're Dolphins fans. What do you care? You've been dead since Thursday. I can't remember the last time I saw a team give up and roll over on their dorsal like this sad squad. Especially at home. They went on to fire their GM and have started trading players for future draft picks to shake things up. Some guys just weren't culture fits, so they'll have to find some other guys to acquire who are. Maybe putting out some feelers for Ja Morant while we speak.
The best part of Thursday Night Football was the elite broadcast performance catching sad Phins fans early and often. So instead of giving Dolphins fans a sad stat this week, we'll just pepper in some sad fan shots randomly as we go. So every time you're about to laugh at some other fanbase, you'll have to wonder if something like this is right around the corner.
Here are your Week 9 sad stats.
Sad Stat #1: Cincinnati Bengals have given 27+ points in each of their last eight games
Since Week 2 the Bengals have given up 27, 48, 28, 37, 27, 31, 39, and 47 points. Please look a little bit surprised to learn they played the Browns in Week 1.
Not many teams have posted this level of consistency. You're talking the 2020 Chargers and 1964 Broncos. This is just the story of the Cincinnati Bengals. The equilibrium team. For every cool play on offense, it costs you an equally bad play on defense. Same story with Joe Burrow last year when they'd give up a touchdown pretty much the drive before or after a touchdown of their own. This is the eternal hell of Cincinnati Bengals fandom. You can't escape it no matter what Joe you have back there slinging it.
Sad Stat #2: Kyle Monangai ran 26 times for 176 yards (6.8 YPC) yet had the worst YPC for any of the four Bears players to attempt a rush
For the record - this is a Bengals stat.
Dynamite performance by the rookie making his first start with DeAndre Swift out. But to be honest - kind of hard to actually tell if he's any better than any ole running back with this opponent. He showed some stuff before, but no one gives up on tackling like the Bengals who give a league-high 166 yards rushing per game.
Now here's a Monangai who just trounced the Bengals for 120+ yards after contact.
Sad Stat #3: The Packers lost to the Panthers - passers of 102 yards at 55% completions and 0 touchdowns
How could this possibly happen? Bryce Young was awful. The Panthers are awful. They literally are not even designed in the sad team manufacturing factory to be able to make a good play.
You think I'm kidding?
Sad Stat #4: The Bengals are one of just two teams to give up 284 points in any eight-game regular season span since the 1970 merger
Yeah - sorry not done with Bengals points given stats. Here's the list.
If you want to a real sad story, check out some game scores on that 1966 Giants team on PFR. Anytime I ever try to run some sort of cumulative "most points given" run down - no matter what is seems to be - there they always are. Came up last year. The year before that. They're all over the shittiest defense stats. So at least the Bengals aren't that bad. Not yet, anyway.
In fact - not even ESPN's data lords could find something putrid the Bengals did that the 1966 Giants haven't.
Time for a break from Bengals stats. And 1966 Giants stats.
Sad Stat #5: Joe Flacco and his 470 yards passing got left out of National Old Foggie's Day
That's right. I made up a holiday. Everyone else is the NFL, so why not? National Old Foggies day is really just Fall Back Sunday which allows quarterbacks of marinated ages an extra hour of sleep to be able to go out there well rested to hang with the youngins.
From oldest to youngest we have age 42 Aaron Rodgers taking down the 7-1 Colts, Flacco with 470 yards at age 40 (most ever for a 40 year old) and age 37 Matt Stafford who put up four touchdowns in a beat down of the hapless Saints. Those are your three eldest starting quarterbacks.
Flacco did everything. And it wasn't enough. 15 points in :49 late in the fourth to take the lead. All for an L at the end. The Bengals defense called in two-hand touch defense on the last drive to let Colston Loveland take one in after a dart from Caleb Williams. I'm kidding about the two-hand touch of course. They had that strategy called in from the start of the game.
Sad Stat #6: The Commanders gave up the first perfect first half since the 70-20 Dolphins beatdown of the Broncos
Now look at that, Dolphins fans. A positive Dolphins reference!
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16/16 for 282/4 for Sam Darnold in what can only be described as the best first half of football ever played. The only thing that stopped the Seahawks was time as they had to settle for a field goal to close the half with 31 points. And this was the least of the Commanders problems Sunday Night with Jayden going down once again.
Sad Stat #7: The Commanders played the saddest touchdown celebration song in the history of the NFL
You'll never find a quieter home crowd right after a touchdown than Sunday Night on the play immediately after Jayden Daniels dislocated his elbow. But someone has to have a kill switch in the stadium booth for whoever hits play on Hail to the Commanders because I could hear it loud as day with the deafening silence of the crowd beginning to walk as far away from the stadium as possible.
This was always the worry, right? A skinny, mobile quarterback of Daniels' profile is exactly who you might expect to be injury prone. Lot of people calling for Dan Quinn's head after that. But was there anyone calling for Daniels to be pulled before he got injured? Not saying you're wrong, but I didn't really notice anything.
Sounds like his prognosis is best case scenario given what it looked like. Great to hear. He's too fun of a player to watch and seemingly nice of a dude.
Honorable mention Dallas' defense. They may as well just schedule Dallas to play Cincinnati in the Pro Bowl. Who would tell the difference?
Alright. I'm bummed out enough. Are you bummed out enough? Let's get out of here. See you back next week.
