'One of the Worst Humans.' 'Selfish Piece of Shit.' The People of LSU are Speaking Out About Brian Kelly.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth is remembered for two things. One, being the oldest child of my favorite historical figure, Teddy Roosevelt. Two, for being a sarcastic wiseass who gave zero shits about playing nice with the DC socialite crowd well into her 90s. To the point Alice famously had an embroidered pillow that read, "If you can't say something good about someone, sit right here by me."
Which brings us to Brian Kelly. When you've left one football program standing at the altar as they were playing for a National Championship, then failed utterly at the even bigger program you ran away to, you're going to make enemies. And if on top of that, you happen to be an incorrigible, raging asshole? Well you're going to generate no shortage of people who can't say a single bloody good thing about you.
Which is happening right now. So let's pat Alice's pillow and invite those people to pop a squat and hear what they have to say. Starting with the Governor or Louisiana, who got the Roast started Saturday night, while Kelly was still the highest paid employee of his state. And while Texas A&M was hammering the wooden stake into his black, lifeless heart 49-25 in a game that wasn't that close.
Which undoubtedly sealed Kelly's fate. And once the house fell on him Sunday, it gave the permission structure for everyone else in the Bayou Munchkinland to come out of hiding and sing about the Wicked Coach being dead. Especially former players with grudges.
That would include former LSU safety Matthew Langlois who was recruited by Ed Orgeron in 2021, tore his ACL, missed most of the 2022 and '23 seasons, and then got dumped by Kelly like he was Notre Dame. He's not one to spend much time on X, beyond reposting the occasion Christian meme. But he did come back with this heater, before deleting it:
Then underneath that he added, “Unless you were producing positively for him on the field, he could care less about you. He’d pass me in the hallways, not a glimpse, not a word. He’s only in it for the money and himself. Absolutely ruined the culture of LSU football and I hope people see the real Brian Kelly.”
Langlois deleted that one too. But what he has left up is his reply to this one, calling Kelly "a selfish piece of shit." Twice. Which includes an interview with former Tiger Greg Brooks Jr. and his father, explaining how after Junior almost died, and Kelly has ghosted him ever since:
Which seems to be a common refrain. Kyren Lacy's father said he was visited by interim Tigers coach Frank Wilson when his son died. But Kelly must've lost his number:
One can only assume we're just in the early stages of the anti-Kelly backlash. Because he failed so miserably. And because even in his short tenure in Baton Rouge, he managed to alienate practically everyone. Beginning with him being just another Masshole who feels they need to put on a fake accent to make people like them. Like a fat, middle aged Hilaria Baldwin.
ESPN - There's an old Cajun saying about family, "Tout le monde est cousin ic," which means, "Everybody's kin around here." Unless you aren't -- and try too hard to prove you belong.
Kelly was a fantastic football coach at Grand Valley State, Cincinnati and Notre Dame. He went to LSU because he wanted to coach at a place that had the recruiting base, financial resources and football-crazed fans that would help him win a national title.
From his disastrous introductory speech at an LSU basketball game, in which he pronounced "family" with a fake Southern drawl that was thicker than roux, Kelly just never seemed to fit in.
And he wasn't blind to that. This offseason, Kelly worked with a Washington D.C.-based image consultant to try to improve his public persona. …
In the end, Kelly didn't win enough and tried too hard to prove to LSU fans that he was one of them.
When you've got to go to the phoniest city on Earth to hire consultants to teach you how to make the public like you, you've already lost the battle. And you're not going to win hearts and minds when you treat seemingly everyone around you according to whether or not they can do things to further your career. Kelly is like a house cat who is super interested in you if you're available to operate a can opener. Otherwise he can't be bothered with you. And it's hard to think that treatment isn't limited to "just" these former players and their families.
Stay tuned. People around that program are going to have very unkind things to say about this jagoff. And I want them sitting next to me.