HUGE News For The Fellas: Biohacker Bryan Johnson Says He'd Figured Out A Way To Remove 85% Of The Microplastics From Your Sperm

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Source - Famed biohacker Bryan Johnson is giving new meaning to the term “sperm washing.”

Sperm washing is a lab technique that isolates healthy, active little guys from seminal fluid and debris for use in fertility procedures like intrauterine insemination (IUI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF).

As part of his quest for eternal life, Johnson said he has now found a way to improve the quality of his swim team by removing microplastics — those tiny, ubiquitous fragments that slough off larger plastics as they degrade.

The concentration of microplastics in Johnson’s ejaculate dropped from 165 particles per milliliter in November 2024 to 20 particles per milliliter in July 2025, he revealed this week on X.

“The therapy we think most responsible for this reduction is sauna as it also eliminated most environmental toxins in my body, including those linked to various plastics,” wrote Johnson, 48.

Johnson has been promoting the use of dry saunas, a high-heat room with low humidity.

He uses a dry sauna set to 200 degrees Fahrenheit every day for 20 minutes while applying an ice pack to his groin area to “safeguard testicular and sperm health.” He noted a “nearly identical drop” in microplastics in his blood over the same period.

Wait…all I gotta do is put an ice pack on my bean bag while I sit in the sauna and I'm good to go? I can do that. Sure, I may get some looks from the other guys in the sauna with me, but who cares? I'll have plastic-free loads and they won't. 

Jack Mac originally wrote about microplastics back in May of 2024 and it's largely been ignored ever since…

Strange, but I get it. People have bigger fish to fry. A carton of eggs is $74, you can't buy a new car for less than $10 million, and it's nearly impossible to own a home. In other words…first things first. 

Having said that, I do have some questions about the process that Bryan Johnson used. Like how many loads is he shooting before he's satisfied with his findings? Is he doing this daily? Weekly? Monthly? Is he just cumming into a cup then handing it to an assistant? How has that person not sued him yet? Scientist or not, I feel like there's a lawsuit there. And why does he care about microplastics in his sperm? He's a forty-seven year old divorcee worth $500 million and this is how he spends his time? Brother, live your life. Unless your shooting loads of tar, forget about your semen and have some fun. This guy is so sick he no longer allows himself to enjoy an orgasm. No wonder his marriage ended. And he hasn't even proved anything either…

Saunas are known to cause sweating, which can release a trace amount of some toxins, but studies have suggested that high heat in saunas can actually negatively affect sperm quality and production.

It’s unclear if there’s been any research on sauna use with ice applied to the genitals.

What an idiot. 

I watched his Netflix doc earlier this year and it's one of the creepiest things I've ever seen. Also, no one is asking him to do this. He genuinely thinks he's contributing meaningful science to mankind and people just are humoring him because they want a paycheck. It's going to be real ironic when he gets hit by bus crossing the street. 

Anyway, if I sound like a hater it's because I am. Fuck this guy. He doesn't deserve to be rich. Thanks for showing us how to clean our sperm, but enough is enough.