Margaret Qualley Got Arrested By Sabrina Carpenter For Being Too Hot On Her Birthday? Well Let's Join The Party With A Gallery Of Her Lip Biting Greatness

Happy 31st Birthday to MY president, Margaret Qualley. For anyone out there who's been trying to find a way to become pro-nepotism, you won't find a better poster child than her. Of course I'm biased because her mother Andie MacDowell was my 1st ever crush (shout out 'Groundhog Day') but at this point, I don't think anyone can deny Margaret's own unique greatness.

And really, how could you? She's hot as hell, a fearless actor, incredible dancer, and a helluva model American. What more do you want in life ya goddamn jabroni? 

Clearly fellow hot chick Sabrina Carpenter agrees with me, because she just arrested Margaret's fine ass at her concert and said they'd be great in a relationship together? 

Uhhh waiter, CHECK PLEASE!

Respectfully, fuck YOU Jack Antonoff you absolute cock slinging legend. Not one man should have all that power. 

Fingers crossed Margaret happily runs away with Sabrina someday and creates an iconic throuple with Aubrey Plaza too. After all, the chemistry is already there in SPADES. 

Hey, a boy can dream right? But either way I wish nothing but the best to our birthday girl. Feels like she's just entering the prime of her acting career and has already started to really push the envelope with her wild roles. Can't wait to see what she delivers to us over the next decade, what a time to be alive. 

Bring on the lip bites until I fade into Bolivian, Ms. President. 

PS: if you want to investigate Sabrina Carpenters judicial practices/underwear dancing further, here you go.