Mr. Beast Has Filed a Trademark With the Intention To Launch Some Sort of Financial Services Company

The year is 2043. You climb into your BeastMobile after a long day at the Feastables factory. It's 8:39 p.m., but if you hurry home, you'll be just in time to catch the new episode of Beast Games Season 19. The winner of this season receives a mortgage loan rate of just 14.2 percent from Mr. Beast Financial, which would be the lowest in the country.

You're even more excited than you normally would be on a Beast Games Thursday night, because you have accrued enough Beast Bucks on your 55% APR BeastCard to get a free medium pizza. Things are looking up.

In all sincerity, allow me to say that I like Mr. Beast. He's gained one of the largest audiences in the world and uses his influence to give a bunch of money away to people in ways others find entertaining. There's nothing wrong with that. And if you want to branch off into candy bars and TV shows and virtually anything else, be my guest.

I do have to draw the line at banks, though — this clearly isn't an actual bank, but it certainly seems to be some sort of fintech/financial services company. Who is asking for this? I know for a fact that YouTube and Amazon money is still coming through at a great clip, there's no need to try to go head-to-head with Capital One.

There are millions of Americans who would immediately turn over all their financial information to Mr. Beast Financial, which, while a far more damning indictment of the state of our nation rather than anything Mr. Beast has done wrong, is a pretty open and shut case for why this can't be allowed to happen. There are plenty of better and more established ways to potentially lose all your money than turning it over to a YouTuber.

It seems, however, there's nothing we can do but wait for the eventual one world government under Mr. Beast. All Hail Jimmy.