What's Worse: Pat Bev's Recent Podcast Numbers Or The Whimpering End Of His Basketball Career?

Hey Pat Bev: the fuck? Thought we were cool.
Well, if I must.
Since you seem fond of numbers, let's dig into yours. Here is some data from the Pat Bev Podcast, featuring Rone. Which is a genuinely insulting title, by the way. It should be the Pat Bev AND Rone podcast at worst, the Rone and Pat Bev Podcast at better, and the Rone Podcast featuring former NBA role player Patrick Beverley at best.
Because nobody, and I mean nobody, gives a flying fuck about you anymore. Don't believe me? To the data, then.
While Pat Was In The NBA!
A little over a year ago, the Pat Bev Show was HUMMING. Good episodes would routinely rip over a hundred thousand views on YouTube—where, I'm told, this show is most frequently consumed. Looks like the average was probably in the 50,000 range, which is excellent. Truly a remarkable achievement, and worthy of the very swagger with which Pat would saunter through our halls on occasion to let us all know how utterly pathetic we were.
But then, the May 8th, 2024 episode of the show took a gulp-inducing nosedive. It's hard to ascertain what might have caused this drop in form.
Had the season ended? Well, for Pat's Bucks, it had. But there were still plenty of playoff games to discuss, and this being an NBA-focused podcast, it's hard to justify such a mass exodus of listeners when our resident NBA journeyman had oodles to offer on the remaining teams.
Did Rone take a leave of absence? No, the numbers would have been much worse.
Did Pat Beverley take a basketball and throw it at a fan, missing completely and smashing it into the side of an unsuspecting woman's head, like she was a crash dummy testing the consequences of not wearing a seatbelt, only to then raise his hand in mock apology—after all, this wasn't his Tuesday night coed dodgeball mixer—to regain the ball, only to throw it again at the women to reiterate that yes, in fact, he was assaulting them with a 29.5 inch, 22-ounce genuine horween leather Wilson cannonball of death?
Ah, yes. That rings a bell. Just as it rang the bell of that poor woman, whom he beaned with so little remorse that one wonders if he should be casting stones at coworkers about their worthiness. For if we've learned anything about Pat Bev, it's that he cannot be trusted to accurately throw anything whatsoever—be they stones, basketballs, or his entire media relevancy, which he threw down the toilet when signing to play his twilight hours in the land of Israel.
That's right: Pat Bev took a page from Amare Stoudemire's testament and signed a "life-changing deal" with Hapoel Tel Aviv B.C. (that's Before Christ, when the team last mattered). Trading the glossy hardwood and bright lights of NBA arenas for the schvitz-stained parquets of the Promised Land, one can only imagine the culture shock from timeouts called for shepherds to prod their flock across the lane.
You guys know Israel? Major basketball powerhouse. Some call it the Oak Hill Academy of the Southern Levant. Neighboring Arab rivals might throw their Akkadian hats in the ring for the title. But good luck picking a favorite in any game of shirts vs. foreskins.
Here's where the show went when Pat packed his Louis V duffels to bring his talents to Zion (not Williamson; the Pelicans would not take the meeting).
The Pat Bev Show Post-Ball Assault/Israel Era

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. We shoot our podcasts in 4k at Barstool, but that's a decent view goal for old man Beverley. Truly tragic to see mortality sap the performance of a man who once broke Katie Lanciotti's necklace (victim #1) with a chest pass from hell, resulting in lawsuits whose settlements were paid in the confiscated sneakers of Gazan refugee children—Pat's bonus for making the Israeli League's All-Defensive Team, aka Iron Dome.
But Pat's a man you don't count out. This cat has a few lives left, right? Let's see where he's at now:

Yeesh. These numbers feel anti-semitic. Like Mo Khan's sign read "FUCK THE PAT BEV SHOW" and people agreed. Almost feels like a waste of Rone's time at this point. Especially when his other podcast is, uhm…



Charting 88th overall on ALL podcasts, and 18th in comedy, with an average of 56,500 views over the last 8 episodes and trending mightily upwards.
Wow, way to go Rone. Proud of you brother. Devoting equal energy to two teams, with one performing at an NBA level and the other aging like room-temperature hummus.
To create a control group such that my membership on Boy Dad not be seen as biased evidence, let's look at Rone Dot Com's recent hits:


Incredible. Given his stellar recent run of form, it's mathematically evident that Rone is not the problem with the Pat Bev Podcast. People tune in for him, which means—sadly but deductively—that people must be tuning out… for Pat.
Pat Bev: despite what I've written, I respect you. You've had a remarkable career. But you're playing the internet now, not basketball. And this court belongs to those forged in the darkness of Reddit forums, comment sections, and Twitter battles against the burners of so many faceless 14-year-olds. We few, honed in the ancient art of digital combat at the Prep School of Portnoy and the Military Academy of Minihane; where all the blows are low and boundaries are only drawn after the fact, when sponsors start pulling out.
In this realm, you are the rookie, and I am Him. I may have died once but I rose again. And as long as I have a keyboard and a WiFi connection, I suggest you take better care with my name.