Alec Baldwin Drove His Wife's Range Rover Into a "Big Fat Tree" Thanks To "The Biggest Garbage Truck He's Ever Seen"

You know how Jay Leno pops up once a year with a brand new devastating injury that he claims to have suffered in a whimsical and hilarious way? Then for the next few weeks he shows up to comedy clubs looking like Wile E. Coyote just went 10 rounds with the Road Runner? 

In reality, I think we can all agree that Jay Leno found himself millions (possibly billions) of dollars in debt to the mob, most likely to fund his debilitating vintage car addiction. He failed to come up with the money in a timely manner, so Jay Leno was beaten with baseball bats, doused in gasoline, and lit on fire by men in trench coats. It's the only logical explanation for why Jay Leno would be going out in public (to work) like that. He desperately needs the money/is crying out for help to the world. He wants us to know that he's in grave danger.

We hear you loud and clear, Jay. You were NOT wink-wink beaten up by the mob. Got it. 

But honestly, if everything that Jay Leno claims happened to Jay Leno is true, I think that would be even funnier. He's living the life of a buffoonish cartoon villain. He can't leave his home without stepping on a rake that smacks him in the face. Every set of stairs he comes across is littered with banana peels. He's one wrong turn away from doing a sit-down interview on 60 Minutes with piano keys for teeth. He's the real-life version of the fake Jason Derulo eating shit at the Met Gela. 

I say all that to say, Alec Baldwin is nearing Jay Leno levels of walking disaster (if not already surpassed him). They're similar people in a lot of ways. Their level of celebrity. Their careers peaked in roughly the same era. They both have distinct voices that make them hard to take seriously as anything other than a TV character. I know a lot of people dislike Alec Baldwin as a person, but I will never be able to see him as anything other than Jack Donaghy, Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric.

But much like Jay Leno, when you look at the recent trials and tribulations of Alec Baldwin, you can't help but wonder, "Are we sure we should be letting this guy leave the house on his own?" 

I mean, the man shot and killed a director on the set of a movie. Regardless of who deserves what percentage of the blame for it, accidents don't get any more, "Horrifically tragic, but at the same time, so ridiculous it seems like something that would happen in a sitcom" than that. 

Now Alec Baldwin, a free man left to his own devices, is out in the world driving his fake Spanish wife's Range Rover straight into big fat trees. Then following it up with a borderline comedic monologue recapping the accident as if he were auditioning for a role on SNL. And for the record, if you watched til the end of that video, when you see the dashmcam footage from "the biggest garbage truck Alec Baldwin has ever seen"… it's tough to see what this whale sized garbage truck did wrong…

Where did Alec Baldwin even come from? Did he think the right shoulder was a lane? He must have been trying to pass on the right? So I guess if that's the case, he technically wasn't lying about being "cut off". But if you get cut off while you're driving illegally, I'm not sure you can really call it "getting cut off"… 

Fucking, Alec Baldwin. He's doesn't even seem like a real person. I mean… he very much is. He's wreaking very real havoc on the good people of… wherever the hell Alec Baldwin happens to be at the time. God forbid him and Jay Leno ever end up in the same zip code. That would be a code red, call off work, shut down the schools, everybody stay inside and lock the doors situation for the whole area. Thankfully (according to a Google search) Alec Baldwin lives deep, deep into Long Island, while Jay Leno lives north of Manhattan. But that's still a little too close for comfort. To anybody in the greater NYC area… stay safe out there. There's no telling what might spontaneously burst into flames when those two are around.