"I'm Hammered" -- If This Is Kyle Schwarber And The Phillies Celebrating A Division Title, Then They Might Bong Every Beer In America After A World Series
Ronald Martinez. Getty Images.Your Philadelphia Phillies are back-to-back NL East Champions. I know this team, and this city, has its eyes set on a much bigger prize. But you can definitely take a moment to appreciate how rare this is for the Phillies. The Phillies are over 100 years old, and this is just the 13th time they've been division champs.
It's a long, grueling regular season. Ups and downs, injuries and trades. So much happens during the regular season that these dudes deserve to celebrate winning the division. Just as long as it's not the only time they're popping champagne and bonging a shit ton of beers in the clubhouse for the rest of the season. It sure seems like these animals will be doing whatever the hell it takes to keep the party going.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
Kyle Schwarber is a 50 dinger man who might homicide 50 beers if the Phillies get a chance to celebrate a few more times in the month of October. And what more can we say about the addition of Harrison Bader to this ball club? What a gift this guy has been. What a fucking gift.
I know people might be a little out on the "vibes" of this Phillies team, considering they weren't able to get the job done on vibes alone in 2022. Or 2023. Or 2024. But you can't under-sell how important it was to bring Garrett Stubbs back up right in time for a playoff run. Even if he has nothing to do with the game, you know he's always going to have the clubhouse ready after a clincher.
He's getting old ass David Robertson involved.
He's getting John "Best Owner In Sports" Middleton involved.
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It's a team sport. It takes everyone to win the division. And Garrett Stubbs is making sure that everyone gets involved in the celebrations.
But make no mistake about it. This isn't the only time the Phils want to be celebrating this fall. This is just the tip. And speaking of just the tip…
There ain't nothing like going tip-to-tip with some of your closest boys. That's what being with the fellas is all about.
How many more? Whatever the hell it takes.