Watch This Horrible U.S. Open Tennis Fan Get Caught on Camera Stealing a Signed Hat From The Hands of a Child

Oh no. This isn't good. 

I went to the first tennis tournament of my life, The Cincinnati Open, earlier this month. These tennis kids LOVE autographs. Which is exceedingly normal for any kid at any sporting event. But at tennis tournaments, the players seem exceedingly more available and willing to sign. All day you see kids (and adults) walking the grounds with their giant tennis balls covered in signatures. The Cincinnati Open was more of an autograph signing event than a tennis tournament. It was more of an autograph signing event than a literal autograph signing.  The moment these players finish their matches (especially the not as famous ones) they turn into 30-year old Maurice Clarett at a strip mall in central Ohio. They're signing everything for everyone. Except they're not charging $25 a pop. 

Along with that, after each match, the winner will take 3 or 4 signed tennis balls and volley them into the stands. Which for me, was the most electric part of the whole day. The anticipation of having a ball launched your direction is thrilling. But as fired up as I was at the thought of catching a ball, I still immediately made a point to look around and identify a child I could hand it to should I catch one. Catching the ball is the fun part. But as an appropriately vain adult, I could not for the life of me understand how the thrill of taking home a signed tennis ball from a Polish tennis player ranked 76th in the world would be better than the thrill of handing the ball to a young child, and having the whole stadium applaud you for it. That's the biggest no brainer in the world. 

The hat stealer could have had that moment. He could have snatched the hat from Kamil Majchrzak hands, pretended he was going to keep it for himself, then turn around and laugh as he hands it back to the kid it was intended for. Everyone in the area would have laughed and said, "Ahhh what a prankster! He got him good!"

But what he did instead... oh dear. Now he's about to have a major problem on his hands. In the "Non-Sex Crimes" division, there are not many things a grown adult would less like to have circulate the internet than a video of him stealing from a kid. His clear face is on camera. The world watched him steal a tangible, joy inducing item from a child. They saw the child's face go from pure elation, to pain and devastation. I'm borderline worried for this man's safety. When the internet sees an adult wrong a child, the gloves come completely off. For the next 1-3 hours after seeing that video, there is nothing that can happen to that man's life that people wouldn't justify. There are no limits to what righteous defenders of helpless children are capable of. I'd be stunned if his boss isn't already fielding phone calls from people demanding his firing – "If you don't fire this hat stealing piece of shit IMMEDIATELY, I will NEVER do business with D.W. Hansco Global Solutions again."

I'd assume the man's defense would be that he was getting the hat for his own kid? But maybe not. Nothing would surprise me. Some people really are that terrible. But even if his kid is the biggest Kamil Majchrzak fan on the planet, it doesn't matter. Clearly he, and everyone watching knew who the hat was intended for. 

Thankfully, the video found it's way back to Kamil. Almost instantly, the internet was able to track the kid down, and Kamil made sure he was taken care of.

So before we go finding this hat stealer's address and holding his jolly, complicit wife hostage. If you really think about it, this arrogant hat stealing loser probably did that poor kid a favor. I bet he came out of the whole thing with a way better haul than a single signed hat. He probably got to meet Kamil in private. He may have even got to go back to the locker room and get a few more autographs. Which gives me one hell of an idea for a scam that any terrible father/son autograph seeking duo could run. Imagine if that kid and that man were in it together? If this was all work? What a tennis racket that would be. At that point, I'd have no choice but to tip my cap to their completely ludicrous, not-even-remotely-worth-it scheme.