It Actually Happened! Jerry Jones Just Traded Micah Parsons To The Packers Who Are Immediately Handing Him a Record Setting 4 Year $188 Million Deal

Nick Cammett. Getty Images.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!

Truly one of the most shocking moments of my sports life. That son of a bitch actually traded Micah Parsons. 

You knew Jerry Jones was a crazy, senile old man at this point. We knew Micah Parsons was gonna hold out until he got his money. But how many times do we see this happen only for the team to cave. Hendrickson and McLaurin both got their big deals the other day. Sure there were rumors that the Packers were interested in Parsons, but on a realistic level how could you expect that to happen? Was Rickey Scoops really onto something? 

Well, Jerry Jones is that crazy motherfucker who you can't count out from doing the dumbest shit possible. I love that man. For two firsts and Kenny Clark? Listen I like Kenny and he's been with the team forever, but it's Micah Parsons. Twist my arm. The Packers just got their new version of Reggie White and he's only 26 years old. I can't believe it. Truly a franchise altering trade in every sense. For so long the Packers have desperately lacked a pass rush. Now we have MICAH PARSONS gunning for quarterbacks. I'm in total shock. I love you Jerry!!! Rickey Scoops forever!!

 P.S. Current number 11 Jayden Reed gonna get himself a new fancy car out of this. What a nice surprise for him as he deals with the jones fracture in his foot.  

P.P.S. I like Schrager but have you ever seen a more obvious scenario where Jerry Jones is begging him to tweet this stuff so it doesn't seem like the end of the world for Dallas? 

Does Peter realize how old Jerry Jones is?