We Gotta Get Our Hands on This Hooters
WLWT 5 – A longtime staple on the Kentucky side of the Ohio River got a final sendoff after closing its doors for good.
Earlier this summer Hooters in Newport, Kentucky closed its doors for good.
On Thursday, some onlookers got a final look as the restaurant was loaded onto a barge and floated down the Ohio River.
The restaurant, along with Beer Sellar and JB Finns were all taken down river.
Chain restaurants are in a crisis. Denny's is closing 150 locations. Boston Market closed 90% of their restaurants in the last two years. TGI Friday's went bankrupt. Red Lobster says they're doing fine now, but we all know they're holding on for dear life. Our beloved chain restaurants that we all eat at frequently, whose disappearance will certainly impact our lives in a drastic way, are dropping like flies.
But out of everything that's happened in the world of chain restaurants, seeing a Hooters float away down river might be the saddest visual of all.
Funny how in a different context, that goes from being a tragic visual, to one of the most awesome things to ever exist. A Hooters that's literally on river? If you happen to be in the right place at the right time, a team of large breasted women will pick you in in their Traveling Water Hooters to serve you wings and beer on the Ohio River? You drink 16 Budweisers, go into a black out, and wake up somewhere in Pittsburgh? Now that's a sustainable business. But nope. Instead, it's of the saddest national chain-related images of any sort since Geoffrey The Giraffe waved goodbye from a gutted Toys R' Us.
(That picture still gets me. I don't think I stepped foot inside a Toys R' Us more than once in my life. I didn't even know Toys R' Us had a whole ass Geoffrey The Giraffe mascot walking around like that. But when I saw that picture, I was downright disgusted with all of you selfish, ungrateful pieces of shit who weren't spending at least 25% of every paycheck on Geoffrey's toys.)
Back to the topic at hand. There's a Hooters floating down the Ohio River. Or at least it was. Normally, I wouldn't think anything more of it beyond "Well that's pretty sad..", and then post pictures of Hooters girls.
Advertisement
However… the one article I just so happened to click on had this to say.
It's unclear where the restaurant would be taken to. Some say it's being taken to a scrapyard down river.
Some say? So you're telling me it's definitely just sitting in a scrapyard somewhere in the Cincinnati, Kentucky area? Possibly this scrapyard right around the corner from where that Hooters used to be located?
If the Hooters is just rotting in that scrapyard, does that imply the Hooters is just sitting there to take? For free? All we need are a couple oversized trucks and a team of drivers to escort the Newport Hooters up I-65 to Chicago, and Barstool Sports could have their very own in-house Hooters. Our office has the perfect spot for it.
Just a little something to think about, Big Cat. We'd hate to let a perfectly free Hooters go to waste.