Hitting Back-To-Back "Tsunami Backflips" Between Moving Trucks as They Drive on The Autobahn (And Nearly Missing The Landing) Is As Extreme As It Gets

Hell yeah, Luc. I bet nothing gets the blood pumping more than almost dying, but still landing the trick. All in the name of energy drinks. Nothing sells energy drinks better than near death. Suddenly I feel the overwhelming urge to shotgun four Red Bulls and take our living room rug up to the roof of my apartment. 

Four stories should be plenty high enough to get me going. I am going to SOAR across Columbus, Ohio. 

The energy drinks are always one-upping themselves. I'm not exactly sure how these Red Bull sponsored stunts come about. I don't know if the athletes come up with the ideas themselves and bring them to Red Bull's door, or if Red Bull has a sign-up sheet full of crazy stunt options, and their athletes are contractually obligated to cheat death ___ many times a year. But I like to imagine their marketing department is made up of twelve dudes, all dressed like Pepper Brooks (Jason Bateman's character in Dodgeball).

They sit around a graffiti covered conference table all day long, snorting mountains of cocaine and shouting over each other as they try to come up with the most extreme shit they can possibly think of. 

"DUDES, DUDES, DUDES, DUDES, DUDES!!! Hear me out! We get a motorcycle ramp. But but but this time it's like, a REALLY big one. We put it on the side of a cliff. Like a REALLY big cliff. And when the guy jumps he–"

"PARACHUTES OFF THE MOTORCYCLE?!?!"

"YES!!!" -- massive drug snort

I can only assume that's what goes down at Red Bull HQ. I just can't imagine fully sober people are coming up with Hot Air Balloon Skatepark. 

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Meanwhile, the same thing is happening over at Monster Energy. Except at Monster they do meth (and seem to be heavily focused on drifting)

I cannot fucking wait for World Drift Day this year. I am going to drink  SO MUCH caffeine. 

What a world. In a different life, I think I could have fallen into it. Not that I would ever have the talent, or the balls to pull of any high level stunts. But if there was a skatepark in my town when I was 7 years old and first saw Rocket Power… I might have hung up the hockey skates for like of skateboarding and highly-caffeinated carbonated beverages. I sure as shit would not miss World Drift Day 2025.