Be You Can Go Ahead And Put Tulane In The College Football Playoffs Already After They Ate 10,880 Meatballs During Training Camp
JORDIE’S CORRECTION: Okay, so when I was originally writing this blog, it was in the middle of bath and bed time for my kids. Not to brag about having sex, but I currently have 3 kids under 2. So my brain was a little scrambled and I accidentally put in my head that Tulane ate 10,880 pounds of meatballs, instead of just 10,880 singular meatballs. Playas fuck up, that’s on me. Either way, it’s a wild amount of meatballs.
You can try all you want to complicate football. You can run an RPO offense. You can rely on analytics when it comes to play calling. You can scheme all you want on defense.
But at the end of the day, football is about one thing and one thing only--a bunch of big ol' beefy dudes trying to see who can physically dismantle the other. And I'll can tell you right now that there's not going to be a beefier team in college football than the Tulane Green Wave.
I wish there was a way we could see what 10,880 lbs of meatballs actually looks like. If they just loaded up a bunch of trucks full of meatballs, and dumped them onto the field to see how much it would cover. You figure you can probably get about 20 meatballs out of one pound of ground beef. So we're looking at somewhere around an estimated 217,600 meatballs. (ANOTHER CORRECTION: Obviously I was wrong here. We are only talking about 500+ lbs of meatballs) Maybe I'm just not great at visualizing space, but I feel like at the very least we're looking at the entire goal line to goal line being covered in balls. Fill up the end zones with some pools of marinara, and now we've got a party.
We also need to know what kind of meatballs we're talking about here. Did they just stick with traditional Italian meatballs during the whole training camp? Or did they switch it up to provide the fellas with a little variety. Swedish meatball Saturdays. Maybe some Turkish meatballs on Thursdays. Something to keep the boys exciting to guzzle down a couple pound of meatballs every day. The SEC ain't built like that. The B1G ain't built like that. Tulane is going to be out here grating up any opponent in their way like they're a wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano.