Sport of The Future: Old German Ladies Returning Shopping Carts From Long Distances

When you're right, you're right Dan. Finally a sport that women can actually excel at better than men am I right folks? Bet these German ladies would give a German earful to any asshole who leaves their shopping cart sitting loose in the parking lot after putting their groceries in the trunk. 

The German Lady Shopping Cart Return Championships would really be the perfect lead in to the football season. Put these ladies on ESPN immediately following the late night Little League World Series game and they're not losing a single viewer. To think ESPN signed a contract to put the Savannah fucking Bananas on primetime every damn weekend when across the pond there's old German ladies returning shopping cart from long distances.

Ok technically these aren't the "German Lady Shopping Cart Return Championships". But they should be. This clip is actually just part of a game show called Schlag Den Star. There's a whole YouTube channel dedicated to the show. And it looks... pretty good.

Why does it always seem like other countries have game shows figured out better than we do? There's just something about a game show in language I don't understand that makes hammering a nail seem 10x more electric than it would in English. When I watch that shopping cart video, since I have no clue what those ladies are saying, I can just pretend Carmen and Claudia are saying the most vile things to each other. It gives the whole thing a great competitive vibe.

After doing a quick scroll through the Schlag Den Star YouTube channel, it's apparent that old ladies returning shopping carts from a long distance is their best event. If Schlag Den Star wanted to make a spin off show that focused on one event, and can find the angriest & most combative old lady shopping cart returners in all of Germany… they might have the sport of the future on their hands. I mean, if the Olympics are going to let this happen…

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Then nothing is off limits. Look me in the eye and tell me a competition between the world's best old lady shopping cart returners is "more ridiculous" than that. Not a chance.