AOL is Officially Shutting Down Their Dial-Up Internet Service, Official Power Rankings of Dial-Up Internet Sounds

Yahoo! – It's the end of an era for AOL.

After more than 30 years of connecting people to the internet through dial-up, AOL is hanging up its iconic service.

"AOL routinely evaluates its products and services and has decided to discontinue Dial-up Internet," the company's website states. "This service will no longer be available in AOL plans."

The service and dialer software will be discontinued as of Sept. 30, 2025.

Dick Van Dyke, Jerry Sandusky, AOL's Dial-Up Internet Service. If you answered "YES" to any of those names while playing the "Are they still alive?" game, you would be surprisingly correct. I'd have bet a thousand backs that the AOL Dial-Up Internet Service had officially been killed off years ago. But apparently, at least until September 30th, there are still kids out there checking with their parents to make sure they aren't expecting an important phone call so they log-on and update their Xangas. 

According to the New York Times, up until at least 2023, there were actually a shocking number of people still using dial-up internet.

For many, the most surprising part of the news may have been that AOL was still offering dial-up service at all. In 2023, according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau, an estimated 163,000 households in the United States were using only dial-up for internet service — representing just over 1 percent of the nation’s household internet subscriptions.

I didn't know dial-up still existed. I certainly didn't think a whole percent's worth of America's internet users were still on it in 2023. I wonder what percentage of those dial-up subscriptions were actively being used. I would have guessed a majority of those subscriptions were from people who bought their old parents a computer in the early 2000's, thinking it would be a good thing for them to have. But in reality, their parents never actually bothered learning to use it. So they've just been paying the AOL dial-up bill for years as the computer sits there and collects dust. Except I'm not even sure that's a thing anymore. Even most very, very, very old people have smart phones nowadays. And if you have a smart phone, you probably have wireless internet. 

But what I'm learning now is that dial-up internet is used primarily by people looking for cheap internet in rural areas where wireless isn't as readily available. Meaning there's at least one person somewhere out in Montana right now who's been blindsided by the fact that AOL is stripping them of their dial-up internet service. Pour one out for that guy. 

So in celebration of AOL's Dial-Up Internet Service, and all the amazing things it allowed us to do. Like asking out your crush on instant messenger without having to muster up the courage to look them in the eye and do it in person... Destroying your family computer by downloading literally anything you wanted on Limewire without fear of consequence... Low-key learning to code so you could have a sick Myspace background... Being called racial slurs by other animated penguins on MiniClip.com... Porn... In honor of all that, here's a power ranking of the best sounds you computer made when connecting to AOL dial-up internet. 

8. Static Break

Fuck you static. If memory serves me correctly, the static break always overstayed it's welcome. Like a mediocre lead guitarist who gets carried away with his solo. Static was always butt in-between sounds when nobody asked for it. Just get on with the show and play the hits, asshole.  

7. Ending Silence

I wasn't sure how to properly rank Ending Silence. I could make a case for it being the best sound of all, because it signifies a successful connection. On the other hand, it's literally not even a sound. It feels unfair to the other sounds to rank silence against them. But I will stick it at 7 as a slight to static. 

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6. Opening Dial Tone

Opening Dial Tone does a fine job setting the tone for what's about to come. It's a sufficient opening act. But overall lacks variety/creativity. 

5. Invention of Dubstep

The part of the connection where dial-up got a little crazy and accidentally created a genre of music. I'd argue it's the most creative part of the connection process. AOL wasn't afraid to get a little experimental here. Not all dubstep portions of the internet connection were the same. 

T3. Ding-Dong-Whurrrrr–WHURRR-whurr– & Beep-Beep-Beep–Ring/Screech

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Just like Queen would never perform We Will Rock You without going straight into We Are The Champions, you can't listen to Ding-Dong-Whurrr-WHURRR-whurr– and not follow it up with Beep-Beep-Beep–Ring/Screech. They go so well together that it would be wrong to pit them against each other.

2. Dialing Numbers

Signifies the most important step of the dial-up internet connection. When the internet calls your house to ask permission to enter. And if the answer is no, because your mother is using the landline, the internet is kicking down the door and coming in anyways (I think… I honestly forget how that worked. But I'm pretty sure at my house the internet kicked people off the phone).

1. Do-DOOO Do-DOOO-erchh/ 

Didn't have to think twice about which noise rank #1. AOL drops Do-DOOO Do-DOOO–erchh/ right in the heart of the connection. It's the peak of the show. If you walk up to any stranger on the street (born in the 90's or earlier), stick a gun to their head and tell them to "MAKE THE CONNECTING TO DIAL-UP NOISE!"

9 times out of 10 they're going to go, "Do-DOOO Do-DOOO", as they fall to the ground and fork over their wallet. 

And here's the whole setlist together (as traditionally played)

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RIP AOL Dial-Up Internet Connection. I thought you were already dead.