That's Enough Internet For Today- OF Girl With Two Vaginas

maximkabb. Getty Images.

Every now and again, I catch myself hunched over my phone with the posture of a fucking jumbo shrimp as I am furiously 'doom-scrolling' until I find something so odd that it makes me question the future of this world.

Typically, the posts that stop me dead in my tracks are sexual in nature, and sometimes they are not sexual at all. But no matter what they are, they are always weird enough to make me wonder- Why the fuck does this even exist?

Today, that question arose when I bumped into… 

Read the article for all the details, and I'll also summarize it for those too lazy to click…

1. Girl born with a rare condition called uterus didelphys, which means she has two vaginas, two uteruses, and two cervixes. 
2. Girl begins selling what she calls “hardcore explicit" pictures and videos of her double-holster to a bunch of depraved men with single-pistols, and makes a ton of dough.

Those two bullets are the crux of the article, but a little part at the end also grabbed my attention. A part where this young woman (her name is Annie Charlotte) says that when she was 16, doctors told her that she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. News that I imagined shook her to the core of both her pussies.

But after sharing her story on social media, she received an outpouring of messages from women all around the world with the same condition who WERE able to have kids… Leading her to say, "I’m now starting to think that maybe I do want children.”

And that is when my mind started to imagine how much abuse "the boy with the double-cunted mama" would be receiving in about 10-15 years.

My family drove a yellow station wagon, and there was a five-year period in grammar school when everyone would sing "We all live in a yellow submarine!" or the words to Harry Belafonte's song "Day-O" whenever my brothers and I were picked up after school.

Now imagine what her little angel will have to endure once the other boys find out that his mom has sold multiple videos of her accommodating multiple dicks inside her multiple vaginas?

The song possibilities alone are endless without even considering the possible nicknames he'll inevitably receive or the questions he'll be asked…

• "Is she end-over-end or side-by-side?"
• "Does your dad have a favorite?"
• "Which one did you come out of?"
• "Does your house have a room dedicated to just tampon storage?"

I mean, the kid will never be able to throw up the peace sign without people-in-the-know thinking it's an homage to his mom's twin minges.

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I've always felt bad for the abuse Kim Kardashian's kids might've taken after half the world saw their mom get impaled by Ray J, but at least Kim has the 'fuck you money' to shield them from any harm.

Annie Charlotte will probably be unable to build such an empire from just her double-barrel, so her kids will be easy targets… Which I will argue is 100% wrong, but also 100% expected.

My Grandma once told me, "You lie down with multiple cocks, you wake up with multiple nicknames."… And I never quite understood what she meant until today.

And you know what?… The fact that I am even thinking about all this shit at 10 AM on a Saturday probably means I've already had enough of the internet for today.

I'm gonna go touch some grass.

Take a report.

-Large

I ate two burgers on the latest episode of You Gotta Try This…

TAR

-L