The Greatest Movie Day EVER

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It's Sunday, and I am in the mood to see a movie.

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Scratch that.

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It's Sunday, and I am in the mood to see three movies in one day.

I understand sitting in a theatre for 7-9 hours on what some people consider a perfect Summer day is the epitome of laziness, and it is definitely illegal to see three movies after only paying for one, but I want to do it anyway.

And I want to do it so badly because I am still chasing a high I haven't felt since 1994, when I went to three movies back-to-back-to-back—A day I affectionately call The Greatest Movie Day EVER.

As I mentioned above, it was late 1994, and I was going to see Forrest Gump for the first time…

It had been running in theatres since the Summer, had strong box office returns and positive reviews from critics, but I didn't get to see it right away because I had a full head of dark hair back then, so I was just SWIMMING in pussy. 

("SIGH!")

There simply wasn't enough time for movies, particularly during those summer months, when I had a litany of scantily-clad bitches waiting patiently for their turn to run their perfectly manicured fingers through my luscious locks.

However, as a massive fan of American history, it was inevitable that I would see this fictional time capsule of decades that have always fascinated me—the 1950s, 60s, and 70s. Plus, I had to see for myself just how good of a job "Princess Buttercup" Robin Wright did playing that worthless AIDS-riddled piece of shit, Jenny.

(Hot dog down a hallway.)

Everyone already has an opinion on this flick, so one thing I will point out before I move on involves the scene where Forrest and Lieutenant Dan spend New Year's Eve with two prostitutes.

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If you look at the closing credits, the names of those whores' characters are "Cunning Carla" and "Long-Limbs Lenore."

And I don't care what God you pray to or what culture you come from, Long-Limbs Lenore is an ELITE name for a 1970s hooker.

After Gump was over, I snuck into a more recently released movie that, unfortunately, started before Gump ended that afternoon. But missing the first 15 minutes wasn't a big deal because I had read the 1982 short story the movie was based on, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption.

The movie's title was shortened to The Shawshank Redemption, and even though I missed those first 15 minutes in 1994, I have seen them 1,000 times since then because the movie still runs on TBS maybe 2 or 3 times a day.

Forrest Gump was fascinating because of all the historical references and CGI (or whatever it was called back then) inserting Hanks into iconic scenes, but Shawshank was much more story-driven, with a much smaller cast of main characters you became emotionally invested in.

The movie was a box office disappointment at first. And even though critics loved it, it wasn't able to win any Oscars that year.

I never understood why, but the initial advertising for the film did not include Stephen King's name. The studio said it was on purpose because they wanted to attract a "more prestigious audience", who might reject a film from a writer known primarily for horror flicks like The Shining and Cujo. But I'm sure they would revisit that decision knowing what they know now.

After the credits rolled on Shawshank, I decided to see one more flick… 

Giphy Images.

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Pulp Fiction had a late showing starting in 30 minutes, so I took a gentlemanly dump, refreshed the snacks, and went into my third and final theatre, right as the movie began.

And, even though it had tough competition that day, Pulp Fiction did not disappoint either.

Much like Forrest Gump's historical references, Pulp had pop culture references scattered throughout (particularly during the dance contest scene). And much like Shawshank, Pulp created a narrative that had you immediately rooting for the non-traditional heroes and against the villains. 

I am trying to find an overlapping theme to connect the three flicks, and all I've come up with so far is rape… Jenny's dad… The prison laundry scene with Andy and "the Sisters" gang… And the basement scene with Marcellus and Zed.

Other than that, I won't sit here and review these classics any further because I am 30 years too late.

Plus, the reason I am writing this blog is to tell you that since that day in 1994, I have not seen an opportunity to watch three movies of that cultural magnitude in one day and at one theatre.

Now fast-forward 31 years, and will binge-watching Naked Gun, the new Superman, and the latest Fantastic Four all in one day change that?

Probably not.

But in 87-degree weather and 100% humidity, it's a chance I am willing to take.

Take a report.

-Large

Oh… And I just made the greatest smashburger in NYC…

TAR

-L