THAT'S ENOUGH INTERNET FOR TODAY- Dildo Drumming
Every now and again, I catch myself hunched over my phone with the posture of a fucking jumbo shrimp as I am furiously 'doom-scrolling' until I find something so odd that it makes me question the future of this world.
Typically, the posts that stop me dead in my tracks are sexual in nature, and sometimes they are not sexual at all. But no matter what they are, they are always weird enough to make me wonder- Why the fuck does this even exist?
Today, that question arose when I bumped into Zoena Drumming...
These are all reels, so I have to embed them with links you click through, but the gist of it all is that this young dummer has found a novel way to get eyes on her performances, and it involves starting her mini-concerts with the same steps...
- Getting one of those giant alien-looking dildos with the suction cup at the base and sticking it firmly onto the stool where she will soon be straddling.
- Giving that dildo a firm SLAP to test its rigidity.
- Impaling herself on that same dildo.
- Performing a small drum solo where she playfully cuts in footage of her also using the dildo as a drumstick.
You can see those steps clearly here…
And here…
… or anywhere else in the REELS section of her profile. She is also nice enough to only perform songs with titles that lend themselves to sexual innuendo, such as…
- "Smells Like Teen Spirit"… Although I'm sure that studio smells like MANY spirits.
- "In The End"… Obviously.
- "(Hershey) Highway To Hell"
- "(Brown) Eye of the Tiger"
- "Enter Sandman"… "Sandman" is the dildo's name.
- And "Losing My Religion"
Now, maybe you're saying, "Large, I don't think she actually shoves that thing inside of her. She's just pretending in order to draw in idiots like you."
And maybe you're right… But even the fact that I am debating about this means I've honestly had enough of the internet for today, so I am gonna shut it down until tomorrow.
Take a report.
-Large
If you do not want to shut it down, there is a new episode of YOU GOTTA TRY THIS with me and Chef Michael Ferraro.
Advertisement
TAR
-L