Everybody Deserves To Have A Job That Requires You To Do As Little As Rob Thomson
Emilee Chinn. Getty Images.When the Phillies fired Joe Girardi back in 2022 and Rob Thomson took over as the interim manager, everybody loved Topper because he was a player's coach. Joe Girardi was a prick who made everyone around him feel like he couldn't give less of a shit about them. Topper, on the other hand, was going to be your best bud. He didn't have to do anything besides just let the guys be who they want to be. Let them play loose, and get back to having some fun while playing. And it worked, for the most part. The Phillies went on to win the NL, and were just a couple wins away from a World Series.
Apparently Rob Thomson thought that was the whole job. To do absolutely nothing and just let the players figure it out on their own. Because 3 years later he still just sits there even when all hell is breaking loose.
Sure, life would be great if Jesus Luzardo just didn't completely meltdown every time he's on the mound. It would be great if he could figure out how to stop tipping pitches and have massive implosion innings. But you know what would also be nice?
If the guy who literally controls the entire lineup had a pulse, and could maybe take control of the wheel for a quick second before Luzardo drives the team right off a cliff. Rob Thomson didn't have to do a single thing on Tuesday night. Christopher Sanchez went the distance and pitched 9 full innings. So the bullpen is completely rested, and the Phillies don't play again until Friday night. Maybe just, I don't know, get someone warming up just in case shit starts to hit the fan.
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Was it nap time? Did he need to run into the clubhouse to take a leak? I know it takes older guys a little while to do their business, so maybe that stream took too long to get going. Either way, he just sits there and watches Luzardo walk two batters in, and immediately follows that up by giving up a grand slam. A 5-0 lead gone in just 3 consecutive batters.
When you think about it, Rob Thomson is actually living the American dream. The man gets paid to do nothing. I'm not going to sit here and act like blogging is the most demanding occupation on the planet. But even just writing this blog is more work than Rob Thomson does on a daily basis. He gets paid to sit there and watch baseball games all year. He answers a few questions at the podium after the game about what he coulda shoulda woulda done differently, goes home, throws on an episode of Gilmore Girls, falls asleep, wakes up and does it all over again. Think about how much better life would be if you got paid without actually having to do anything at all. I guess Europeans really do have it all figured out.
The Phillies have two flamethrowers right now with Zack Wheeler and Christopher Sanchez. They have two rocket launchers right now with Kyle Schwarber and Bryce Harper. They have the artillery to go out there and win a World Series. But the general leading the army is fucking Snorlax. So it'll be another wasted year filled with questionable decisions and plenty of regrets. Still seems like a pretty sweet gig, though.
Sidenote: Last time I wrote a blog lambasting a Philly coach, the Eagles went on to win a Super Bowl. So let's just hope this gets us 2/2.