It's Been Over TWO MONTHS Since Escaping a New Orleans Prison, and Fugitive Derrick "Woo" Groves is Still On The Run
I was so plugged into the New Orleans prison break saga for the two weeks following the incident. When 9 prisoners at the Orleans Parish Justice Center ripped their combination toilet-sink from its foundation and walked out a hole in the side of their cell. But not before etching what unintentionally turned out to be one of the most demoralizing FUCK YOU'S in the history of prison breaks on the very wall they busted out of.
"To Easy LoL" – Some People Who Just Outsmarted You
Despite being blessed with every advantage in the world (keys, locks, cages, weapons, cameras, shoes, the weight of the legal system, etc.), Orleans Parish was unable to contain a baseball team's worth of gentleman who don't even know the difference between a preposition and an adverb.
From the moment the news broke, the arrests rolled in slowly but steadily. Three fugitives were returned to justice the day of the escape. One being Kendell Myers, who was apprehended after a "friend" boldly posted a video of him bucking and popping a 200 (and everything) with the gallon of apple juice.
Inmates #4 (Gary Price), and #5 "Cory Boyd" were brought in just three and four days later, respectively.
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The following Memorial Day Weekend, Lenton VanBuren Jr. (the first prisoner to at least make it out of the city of New Orleans) was caught sleeping on a bench outside of a strip mall in Baton Rouge.
VanBuren's arrest was immediately followed by the capture of Leo Tate, and my original pick for 'Last Fugitive Standing', Jermaine Donald. Who were arrested together after leading police on a high speed chase through Walker County, Texas
From there, it was down to two men. People across the internet were placing their Polymarket wagers on who would survive the longest. For those who had their money on Antoine Massey, they could not have been pleased when he made the aggressive deicison to post a video on Instagram (from a home in New Orleans) in which he professed his innocence.
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But from there, it was weeks until we heard any additional news about the New Orleans prison escapees. I had forgotten about them entirely. Despite Antoine Massey's abundance of very identifiable face tattoos.. despite not bothering to put more than 10 MINUTES WALKING DISTANCE between himself and the prison he escaped from… even after posting the video, he remained on the run for another 24 days. He spent 42 total days as a "free man" (a respectable amount of time if you ask me) before the the U.S. Marshals caught up with him in Hollygrove, New Orleans. Shoutout Lil' Wayne.
So it was down to Derrick "Woo" Groves. The New Orleans prison escapee with the most interesting lore. A man with multiple murders under his belt. He was declared the most violent of the 9 fugitives. The most likely to pop-off and go out in a blaze of glory. A man who's grandmother was murdered by a corrupt police officer who she'd attempted to report for misconduct back in 1994. It's been 66 days since Derrick Groves escaped prison, and by the sounds of it, they still got nothing on the guy.
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Every time I blog an update on this story, I beat around the bush of what I really want to say. Which is that I can't help but kinda cheer for the fugitives. I don't know why. I know they've done bad things. Derrick Groves has murdered multiple people. I know he likely poses a threat to society. You can blame it on Hollywood. I wanna see the six-episode Netflix dramatization about Derrick Groves and his life on the lam. Ten years from now I want to be on a family vacation in Costa Rica where I'm propositioned on the street by tall broad prostitute. After politely declining, I want to think to myself, "Wait a minute… she…(?)… looks so familiar…"
Derrick Groves is out there somewhere. Someone has to be helping him. Which is a wild move. Because for anyone who knows Derrick Groves whereabouts, at this point, they have two choices. Continue helping Derrick Groves and risk going down with him (New Orleans has been throwing the book at everybody who so much as fielded a phone call from any of the 9 escapees). Or they can turn him in for a $50,000 reward.
NOLA.com – Fair said support for the search is coming from the FBI and Homeland Security Investigations as well as Louisiana State Police. He said it’s clear Groves has had help staying hidden, but “a person or persons have not been established” as suspects in that effort.
“We do believe he’s getting help from somebody, whether family or friends providing him aid, (or) giving him money while he’s on the run,” Fair said.
At least that's what the authorities are saying.
The reward from various agencies for information leading to Groves' arrest is still $50,000. Darlene Cusanza, CEO of Crimestoppers GNO, did not return messages seeking comment.
You must really love a guy, or have a real distrust in law enforcement to have the self-control to not cash in on a reward like that. The latter of which might be fair. I know when that McDonald's employee successfully reported Luigi Mangione's whereabouts to the police, there was speculation that he may not receive the $60,000 reward promised to the person who's tip led to his arrest.
KEPR – The Post reported that FBI rules state a tipster cannot nominate themselves to collect the reward. Per the publication, that would mean the McDonald's employee would have to be put forward by an investigating agency.
They would then have to cut through red tape to make a claim, according to The Post, which noted that the rewards are typically only paid out if the arrest ultimately leads to a conviction.
Even though in this case, Derrick Groves has already been convicted, I don't feel like it's crazy to think the state of Louisiana would be above doing everything in their power to assure that they do not have to fork over $60,000 to a tipster. But as much as I'm loosely cheering to cross paths with an elderly Derrick Groves in South America someday, if I happen to run into him at the gas station, you can bet your ass I'm putting my Dog The Bounty Hunter pants on and making a run at that $60K.
66 days on the run is nothing to sneeze at. Still… I gotta think he's going to slip up one of these days. But the longer he's out there, the more the general public's memory of him fades. Until I was reminded on Twitter this morning, I had completely forgotten that Derrick Groves existed. He could have umpired my men's league softball game and I wouldn't have thought twice about it.
So grow that hair out Derrick. Curl those eyelashes. Learn to do your makeup. Transform yourself into a beautiful, yet strikingly large Latina woman. Catch a cargo ship and ride that thing as far south of the equator as it will take you. I know someday you're probably going to be caught regardless, but for the love of God, at least make an effort. It would be insulting not to. I swear, if I see a tweet about you being picked up by U.S. Marshals in the French Quarter looking exactly like your mugshot… I'm going to be extremely disappointed.