Mike Leach Allegedly Once Had to Be Talked Out of Putting a Little Person in The Backfield and Throwing Him Over the Line of Scrimmage in Short Yardage Situations
Contrary to the reputation of where I work, I really do try to avoid blogging completely unsubstantiated rumors. I mean, I did do it yesterday with something I literally heard over the phone. But that blog was more about the idea of the rumor than a report on the rumor itself. I would typically not blog something that's legitimately just a one sentence Reddit headline with zero facts or evidence to go along with it, other than OP stating in a reply that it was mentioned one time on an NFL Ringer draft podcast. But this is a rumor I desperately want to believe in. It's a rumor that is nothing but good for everyone involved, and makes the world a better place. It's a rumor that even if completely fabricated, I'd imagine Mike Leach looking down from heaven would appreciate this rumor being attached to his legacy. And honestly... can you really picture a world where Mike Leach never once suggested throwing a little person over the line of scrimmage? Come on... Of course he did. Maybe he was never especially close to doing it, but you're mad if you don't think that ever crossed Mike Leach's mind.
Come to think of it, I take back what I said about this rumor being "good for everyone involved". Because if it's true that Mike Leach had to be talked out implementing the LP Toss, whichever assistant coach was responsible for nipping this idea in the bud should be tracked down on fired on the spot. Wherever he's coaching. Wherever he's working. Even if he completely out of football. He deserves at least one good firing for what he's done. The fucking audacity to tell Mike Leach he can't hurl a midget into the end zone. I couldn't possibly relate less to a man who would be presented with this idea, and have any other impulse than to drop everything in his life and make it his immediate priority to bring Mike Leach the most wee student on campus before he changes his mind. I can't fathom sitting in a meeting room with Mike Leach discussing next weekend's gameplan, and while running through red zone formations, Mike Leach says, "In this situation we're going to put a midget in the backfield, then Michael Crabtree is gonna pick him up by the an ankles and helicopter toss him upfield."
And somehow think it's a good idea to speak up and say, "Um actually coach, I don't think that's a realistic football strategy." or "That's not even a legal football play."
What is your fucking problem man? Who the hell raised you? What type of mental illness do you have? You disgust me. Even if it's "technically illegal", how are you going to let 15 yards stop you from letting your strongest player throw a tiny man through the air on 4th and short? Priorities man... I know this Reddit post should be nothing more than a silly tall tale that adds to the legend of Mike Leach, but I can't help but feel anger at the idea of there being a man out there who's responsible for robbing the world of this moment. What a pathetic human being this hypothetical assistant coach who in all likelihood doesn't exist is.
Fun rumor though. At this point, there's really no story I could hear about Mike Leach and not believe. Ever since the fake opening sscript story was confirmed, anything is on the table.
And I think the little person play could work. Although you couldn't just use any old little person. Take my co-worker Zah for example. Zah is built like a brick house. You can't just throw Zah. He may be less than 4 feet tall, but the man is dense. I'm not sure you're getting him over a D-1 offensive line.
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What you really need to find is a more sickly looking man. Someone with a much more rare condition that really stunts their growth. Someone like current smallest man in the world Afshin Ghaderzadeh.
Now that's a man you can heave. Screw short yardage situations. You can run the Flying Iranian play on 1st & 10. The only problem is whether or not he can hold onto the football. But as long as your thrower can clear the linebackers, or get Afshin into open space, the ground can't cause a fumble in college football. It can cause a concussion. But Afshin has survived worse in his life. Clearly.
Maybe now that this is out in the open, someone will honor Mike Leach's legacy by installing the midget throw into their playbook. C'mon Texas Tech. Just one time. Think about everything Mike Leach did for your program. Throwing the smallest man (or woman if you want to spin it as an equality thing) over the line of scrimmage is the least you can do on your next Mike Leach appreciation day. It's what he would have wanted.