China's Biggest Social Media App Bans Nose Picking and Spanking

Shutterstock Images.

There are times where it is hard to shake the almost inescapable feeling that America is in decline. That while we're fractured and divided, with powerful, corrupt elites on both sides of the aisle getting nothing done but getting themselves richer, our adversaries are united and focused. Circling us the way a predator does when it sees a wounded prey. Countries that wish us harm seem poised to take over the world stage and end America's time as the globe's Shining City on a Hill. 

So it's useful and morale-boosting every once in a while to remind ourselves why America exists. And why we've been kicking ass for almost 250 years. To take stock of what makes us great compared to the other nations that threaten our dominance. 

Daily Star - Picking your nose or getting a spanking will get you banned from streaming on China's biggest internet platform WeChat. 

The Chinese social media platform has published a list of "common violations" that will get you kicked out, including nose picking and spanking "games".

The service, which is used by more than a billion people worldwide and China's most popular social messaging app, wants to tidy up its image because it is heavily regulated by the government. …

Chinese authorities have been increasingly clamping down on political or what it considers to be "indecent" content online. 

That has led to WeChat publishing what it considers to be more than 70 "common violations," including, bizarrely, spanking and nose picking.

Well there you have it, world. I don't think the choice between the good ol', God-fearin' US of freaking A and the threat of Communism has ever been made clearer. The choice between liberty and oppression. Between the First Amendment and censorship. This is the real promise of the Red Menace old Tailgunner Joe McCarthy was trying to save us from back in the day. 

You might think America is loud and obnoxious and is responsible for things like Humvees and child beauty pageants. And you're not wrong. But dammit all, we're your go-to guys when it comes to the right to free expression, in any form. Our best young men bled the ground red at Lexington and Concord fighting exactly this kind of limits on your freedom. To give us the right to say what we want about the government, tell dick jokes in comedy clubs, or get swear words tattooed on our necks. 

And if your particular brand of expression happens to be picking your nose online, have at it. Go in up to the second knuckle, if that what your heart wants. Mine for booger nuggets until your soul is glowing. Pull one out, look at it, roll it between your fingers and eat it if that's the image you want to project. In 'Murica, you don't even need to be in a car to do it. 

If your thing happens to be spanking, we've got you covered. Post the Maggie Gyllenhall/James Spader scene from Secretary. The Supreme Court will have your back. And so will 350 million liberty-loving Patriots. 

Sure, you may think picking snots is gross. And you'd be right about that too. But the way we do things over here, if you ban speech you don't like, then it's just a matter of time before someone shuts down yours too. So let's raise an index finger to the basic right of everyone to pick their nose. And give a one-handed clap to the buttcheeks of a consensual partner for free spanking from sea to shining sea.