"Anyone feel like having a little German?" (NSFW)
That NSFW stands for Nazis Sometimes inFlate Women... I'll explain.
I recorded a podcast last week outlining the Twisted History of Sex Toys. In it, Vibbs and I went soup-to-nuts on rubber dicks and butts.
But I also outlined a story from history that might not have been true… And I don't think I care.
Classified as "Geheime Reichssache" (which is German for "more secret than top secret") the Borghild Project was allegedly a German attempt to create the world's first sex doll during World War II in order to counterbalance the unnecessary losses German troops had suffered from STDs.
If there were two things Nazis loved more than genocide, they were hookers and unprotected sex… So much so, in 1940, Heinrich Himmler penned a memo to Adolf Hitler saying that there was a severe syphilis problem in the houses of prostitution in France and the "greatest danger in Paris is the widespread and uncontrolled presence of whores."
As a result, Hitler is said to have given the approval to create a sex doll for his soldiers, which was to be designed under the supervision of Adam Zimmerman at the German Hygiene Museum in Dresden.
Adam and his sex-technicians were tasked with meeting the following quality standards for these giant-German-pocket-pussies:
1. The synthetic flesh had to feel like real flesh and the doll's body had to be as agile and moveable as the real body
2. The doll's organ (vagina) had to feel absolutely realistic.
3. The doll had to be short in stature and collapse into a small enough parcel to fit in a standard German backpack.
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So… What happened to this project?
Well, according to Wikipedia:
A total of fifty dolls were supposedly ordered for use in Jersey (off the coast of Normandy, not Seaside Heights) by officials, but the purported project was canceled by Himmler after soldiers refused to carry them due to the fear of embarrassment if they were captured and one was found in their possession.
I read this, and all I could think about was imagine what 1st Lieutenant Aldo "The Apache" Raine and his band of Inglourious Basterds would say if they captured an enemy sniper, and, as they searched him for intel, they came across a blow-up German midget broad with realistic synthetic skin, agile body, compact size, and realistic vagina?
That poor Kraut fuck would die of embarrassment before he even met the receiving end of the Louisville Slugger brandished by the Bear Jew.
And there are no pictures or preserved models of these Saxon Sex Pots because the 2-day British/American aerial bombing attack on the city of Dresden killed an estimated 25,000 people and the resulting firestorm destroyed more than 1,600 acres of the city center which housed the factories that built the dolls, as well as any records of the project.
(Oh yes, we did, asshole.)
Without those records, we'll never know for sure if the Borghild Project ever truly existed, or not… But it's still fun to think of at least fifty of Hitler's men all scrambling to find a secluded corner of their foxhole as the sun set before simultaneously blowing up their dates for a romantic evening at zee Jersey Shore.
(As far as you know, these full-sized Fräuleins are from the 1942 German National Beach Volleyball Team.)
Take a report.
-Large
TWISTED HISTORY
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