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In The Year 2020 Why Do People Leave Voicemails Like This? Frat Alumni President Goes Full Brain Dump. An Analyzation.

Received this email from a stoolie a couple weeks ago as a submission for the lunatic voicemail series.

Dante my dude,
Long time listener first time caller. Been reading since The Don blackout tour days and love the lunatic vm premise. I've got a quality voicemail but it requires so much backstory that I don't know if it's worth blogging. Felt like sharing with you for a laugh but I'll let you be the judge.

Here's the backstory:Back in 2011 I was president of my fraternity. I dealt with the president of the fraternity alumni board on nearly a daily basis. He'd call me almost every day, and leave these train of thought rambling voicemails about how I should improve our house, or on whatever topic he had in mind that day. Keep in mind I was a 21 year old college kid managing a frat of other drunken idiots, and this dude is mid-50s.


Anyways, we dealt with our fair share of problems with campus and other alumni from the national chapter visiting our house to check in on / low key spy on us. One day he got word that this 80 year old guy from the national chapter was coming to visit. He left me a scathing voicemail about how I shouldn't let this fucking guy in our house, basically tell him to kick rocks when he shows but because we don't want any snakes around the house.


The following day, I get the attached voicemail. Guy does a complete 180 and basically asks me to do everything short of jerking the guy off at the house. Asking me to put on this whole production, and get a bunch of my buddies to essentially put an entire ceremony together for this old random dude showing up at our house. Just an entirely wild voicemail for a college kid to get.

My buddies and I crack up at this vm about once a year but idk how it'll translate. If you think this is blog worthy, let me know and I can get you a laundry list of edits to get rid of frat nicknames and all fraternity references.
Hope you enjoy. Viva.

Well…

Well he was right. It wasn't a lunatic voicemail in the sense that the guy lost his mind and flipped out. So it would have been a waste to post it under that pretense. 

But it is a lunatic voicemail in the sense that this guy is fuckin certifiable for leaving a 3-minute long brain dump of a voicemail like this. 

Clean it up buddy.

I can't understand people like this. 

Wouldn't it be so much easier for both parties to send this in an email or a text? Isn't that what they are for?

Or better yet, leave a voicemail saying "call me, its important" and then when they call you explaining all of this? 

These people that leave voicemails like this are a danger to society. 

Feitelberg has weighed in on this many times before, and I couldn't agree more.  

The only way to stop this is to call the person back, from a blocked number, hang up if they answer until you get sent to voicemail, and then leave them a voicemail twice as long. Or just text them saying something like 

"hey, just a heads up, I got your homily you left on my voicemail. This texting technology would have sufficed. Next time."

p.s. - as much as I want to, and as easy as things like this make it, I'm not gonna knock frats. My experience with them in Chicago, and at Loyola and Northwestern was pretty weak. Houses are basically banned in Chicago so the only one around that somehow got grandfathered in was the ADG House on Northshore in Rogers Park. Which I lived across the street from and had a bunch of friends that belonged. Real good guys, fun parties, but nothing like you'd expect because 1- it was Loyola, and 2- it was Rogers Park Chicago. 

That all changed for me when my friends took me down for my first visits to Champaign, and Iowa City. Holy shit my mind was blown. And then on the Blackout Tour and touring with Sam Adams getting to see these frat house mansions in Tuscaloosa, Athens, Bloomington, even Ann Arbor. Instant regret and envy. 

So as weird as frat people are for taking strange shit like this super serious, I respect it because they definitely had a hell of a lot more fun in college.