BREAKING: Saturn, Hitler's Long Time Companion and Pet Alligator, Dies at Age 84 of Natural Causes
LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BEAST!
With a normal life span of an alligator in the wild being 30-50 years, this beast not only surpassed that by 30+, but he did so after surviving two captures, a bombing, and World War II.
Saturn, a Mississippi born alligator was first captured in the wild sometime around 1936 and shipped off to the Berlin Zoo. While there, it's believed that Saturn was apart of Hitler's personal pet collection and probably apart of some experiment to put laser beams on its' head as well. In 1943, a string of bombings by the Allied forces left thousands of animals at the Berlin Zoo dead and only a few reported survivors. Saturn was one of them. The Allied bombings liberated Saturn and a few of his companions back to the wild, where he was able to live out the rest of his adolescent life.
Unfortunately, just two and a half years later, in June of 1946, Saturn was captured by British troops who, knowing how unfit they were to care for a gator, brilliantly gave it to the Soviets who re-homed Saturn in the Moscow Zoo.
The Moscow Zoo cared for the Alligator for 74 years and treated him as an "honored guest", according to ABC News. Zoo officials said that Saturn was a fan of massages and really choosy about his food.
"...if he didn’t like something, he knew how to show it," said one Zoo official while probably wiggling the nubs on his hands at the reporter.
The Zoo viewed Saturn as a historical figure but were quick to dispel any rumors of Saturn's allegiance to the Nazi Party.
"Animals are not involved in war and politics, it is absurd to blame them for human sins ... He came after the Victory (in WWII) - and met it's 75th Anniversary. It is a great happiness that each of us could look into his eyes, just quietly be near. He saw many of us as children. We hope that we did not disappoint him.”
Touching words.
Saturn Died Friday, May 22, of natural causes.
Fortunately, Saturn's legacy will live on forever, as he will be stuffed and preserved for display at the Charles Darwin Museum of Biology in Moscow.
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