Tom Brady Bombing Down a Ski Slope? Why Should We Worry?

It happens every offseason. Tom Brady goes off and does something that’s supposed to make Patriots fans freak out. Every media outlet claims we’re all losing our shit every time he wipes out going over a ski jump or jumps off a cliff in Costa Rica or bombs down a slope like this after film-studying Lindsey Vonn’s technique and saying he needs to ski faster and down bigger hills:

So yeah, we always get portrayed like we’re hysterical about it. They find the one or two people on social media wigging out about how he might get hurt  or talking about how Jim Lonborg blew his knee out after winning the 1967 Cy Young Award like that’s representative of all of New England, when it’s not.

Those of us who’ve been paying attention the last 20 years knows that when Tom Brady goes flying down a mountain, the only one who should be worried is the mountain. Sure, I’ve wrecked a knee skiing. But I’m not Tom Brady. If you haven’t figured it out by now let me clue you in.

Tom Brady is immortal. He can’t be hurt. Can’t be injured. Can’t be bargained with. Can’t be reasoned with. He can’t be knocked out of the lineup other than by Lethon Flowers (2001 AFC championship game), Bernard Pollard (2008) and Roger Goodell (2016). Other than that, he’s indestructible. Hell, he almost lost the thumb on his passing hand in the 2017 playoffs and won the conference title game.

He’s not human. He’s Wolverine, but with more pliability. You could put him at the top of that slope, soak him in lighter fluid, ignite it, spray him with anthrax spores, send him across a tiger pit with dung-tipped bamboo spikes on the bottom, strap a ham to his belt and set a pack of Arctic Wolves after him, blast him with Gamma radiation after sending him up on the lift between OJ Simpson and Ray Lewis, and he’s hitting the bottom of the hill without a scratch.

I’m not worried. You’re worried. And to the rest of the NFL, sorry but you’re going to have to have a better plan than waiting for the uninjurable man to injure himself.