All The Students Protesting Global Warming Today Need To Get Their Heads Examined

CHICAGO — Young people in the Chicago area cut class and headed to Grant Park, to draw attention to global warming. It was one of hundreds of strikes around the world. A national strike was held in Washington.  Nearly all 50 states held a rally along with strikes called in more than 100 countries.

In an open letter published in The Guardian newspaper, young activists called climate change “the biggest threat in human history” and are demanding that leaders take action. The young people believe extreme weather, like floods, wildfires and heat waves are the result of climate change, and if nothing is done, their generation will be forced to deal with the consequences.

When I was in High School we cut class for two reasons: we got way too hammered at the south side Irish parade on Sunday and need the Monday off and then of course opening day with your boys. Growing up in Chicago and cutting school for opening day is practically Chicago custom. Like if they added a 5th star to our flag it would be recognizing cutting class to get hammered in the bleachers on your buddy’s god awful fake ID. America has apple pie. Chicago has ditching life for opening day.

So that said if you’re a high school kid in Chicago cutting classes for some other reason, then I got news for you: you’re a loser. You can’t change the climate. No one can. I know we’re supposed to encourage one another and you can do whatever you want when you’re 18u and blah blah blah. But here’s the thing. The only way to make a difference is to become filthy rich like Evil Bad Guy Rich and do things better yourself. Otherwise it’s just a massive waste of time.

Why? Because these protesters at the end of the day still need to get a loan for their house. They need to go to the grocery store and buy shit. Their kids need to go to school and participate in society. Yeah sure your afternoon protest was a great way to get out of the house but guess what dude. Protesting global warming is protesting the economy. You really hate it that much then give me all your money and go off the grid. Otherwise shut up and enjoy your ever evolving climate.