Mickey Mouse And All The Other Characters Are Scary In Any Form

Ellie Schnitt12/07/2018 3:30 PM

It mystifies me that Mickey Mouse is for children. He and all his associates are full nightmare fuel based on several criteria. First: the voices. What is Mickey supposed to sound like? Was that shit intentional? He sounds like a eunuch. Someone give me a video of Varys from Game of Thrones speaking in Mickey Mouse’s voice. It would make sense.

And don’t fucking tell me that listening to god damn Donald Duck speak doesn’t fill you with dread and fear. He is single-handedly responsible for all my nightmares from the ages of 4 to 9. Also, Donald Duck is a Nazi, so. There’s another reason not to like him. Every time he talks it sounds like he’s being choked out.

Goofy is the worst. Have you ever seen the tweet where the guy’s like “I hate the word discourse because it sounds like goofy saying discuss” like that shouldn’t even be a thought in someone’s head. One time I tweeted about how much I hate all the characters’ voices and it was probably my most hated tweet of all time, which is saying something. I deleted it out of shame, but I will not hide my feelings any longer!!

But it gets worse. Have you seen old Mickey Mouse costumes? They are straight terror. Nightmare fuel. Look at this:

What the absolute fuck. The modern ones aren’t even much better! I don’t like mascots because you never fucking know who’s behind the mask. I feel like the odds of someone who wears a mascot costume being a serial killer are way higher than in any other profession. I can’t believe our very own Jourdyn Berry worked at Disney as a character in a mascot. She is definitely hiding some dark secrets.