Week 5 NFL Rewind - NFC

Big Cat10/08/2018 6:07 PM

Take off your pants, let those balls breath and hop right in to the NFL Rewind – NFC Edition.

Minnesota Vikings 23, Philadelphia Eagles 21

Welcome back to Philly, Vikings fans, I’m sure you missed it.

So a recap of the NFC Championship game and as much of a “must win” as 2 teams could have in early October. Are the Vikings broken? Do the Eagles have a Super Bowl hangover? Can a Big man score a touchdown and look cool hitting that O tank?

Well the answer to that last question is a resounding Yes. Linval Joseph putting on the shades after running for a Defensive Touchdown was the highlight of this game.

Fat guys everywhere unite. Never has being gassed from a 64 yard run looked so cool.

The other story in this game was of course a penalty. I think we all need to accept the fact that at least 1 game will be decided by a bullshit roughing the passer call every single week. My preference would be that it always hurts the Packers but this week it was the Eagles on the wrong side of a call that in no way should ever be called a penalty. I keep watching this replay waiting for the roughing the passer and it just never ever comes.

Zimmer knows this is a new NFL, that shouldve been 15 yards on Diggs.

If you can’t beat em, drink out of a shoe? I guess that works

Eagles have that gravy Super Bowl in their back pocket. They’ll figure it out this season (If Carson Wentz returns to form because he sort of stinks right now) but even if they don’t they still have the 2018 Super Bowl DVD they can pop into the TV at any point in the season.

Trouble in paradise?

Green Bay Packers 23, Detroit Lions 31

*Whispers*

“Ya’ll want to see a Dead Body?”

Do I like Chris conte now? What the hell is happening?

So the story of this game. One Mason Crosby. Holy shit was he bad. Never seen anything like it.

Just watch this. Impressively bad stuff. Like Chuck Knoblauch losing his mind and throwing balls into the stands. Fascinating to watch a guy not be able to do his job to such an incredible level.

And what do you do when all else fails? Blame your equipment duh. I don’t hate this move. Like a batter looking for a hole in his bat, it wasn’t my fault, just bad equipment.

You know you’ve had a bad day when the OTHER team feels bad for you.

New York Giants 31, Carolina Panthers 33

QB’s Laying big time blocks>>>

Full disclosure, I bet the Giants +7 in this game and there were multiple times that I wanted to put a bullet in my brain for doing so.

Exhibit A

Exhibit 2.

But, much like the Giants inability to move on from Eli, I can’t quit betting on a team with Saquon and Odell that I pray is scrappy enough to cover a spread every week. Thank you Odell for taking matters into your own hand.

Footage of Sterling Shepard getting in a fight with Eli Manning on the sidelines.

So the Giants were back. Late 4th quarter Touchdown drive to take the lead, the game is over right? Right? Sorry, a SIXTY THREE yard field goal from Graham Gano begs to differ. Absolute bomb.

Spanish call, always better.

And Giants fans are dead

Fit Check on Cam. Actually not that crazy for a Cam Newton outfit, which is incredible to say when he’s wearing a robe and a purple pimp hat. Toned down Cam believe it or not.

LA Rams 33, Seattle Seahawks 31

One of the best games of the day also featured one of the most violent hits. Pray for Brandin Cooks, nothing worse than the T-Rex arms after a huge hit.

This just in, Todd Gurley is very very good at Football.

Sean McVay is quickly becoming one of the best Coaches in the NFL. Highlighted by a huge 4th and 1 call when most coaches would pussy out and punt the ball late in the game.

Too much, Trent, too much.

I don’t think it was the PC police as much as the visual of Sean McVay having scabs on his dick that probably had people confused. Just say he has big balls and move on. Maybe throw in the South Park Balls in a wheelbarrow picture and call it a day. Internet 101.

Arizona Cardinals 28, San Francisco 49ers 18

The final game of the week featured the big time matchup of Josh Rosen vs CJ Beathard. Yes, that Josh Rosen, the forgotten QB from the 2018 draft class. Looking nice.

But in full disclosure with the people at home, this was our “Red Zone barely shows this game so no one really knows what happened” game of the week. So here is a sad Kyle Shanahan to sum up the state of the 49ers. Get excited everyone, they’re on primetime national television a billion times in the next month.

We’ll end with my favorite fan of the Week. Still confused about this guy.